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TopicsI Know That You Wannabe Canadian!
Check out this video about becoming Canadian:http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=da-DK&vid=c3ecfca4-b2b0-4bee-9a82-42bdc94bbe4d
Thanks for a fantastic pub night Brian - it was nice seeing everyone again.
Corinne
A little something about Canada!
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
· Californians shiver uncontrollably.
· Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
· Italian Cars won't start
· Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
· American water freezes
· Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
· Canadians pull down their earflaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
· Ethyl alcohol freezes.
· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg
-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
· Hell freezes over.
· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
Funny stand-up video
Hi everyone, I'm a new member. I'm Canadian and work as a stand-up comedian performing at company events and parties around Sweden and Denmark. Anyway, thought you'd all enjoy my new official comedy video.more funny things to see on my website too (dont forget to click on all the little maple leaves!) :D
www.joestandup.com
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nns7Th0Jx-U
Ze English is not easy! (Various signs from around the world)
* Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN* Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR
* Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES
* Dry cleaners, : DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS
* Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER
* Athi highway (main road to Mombasa, leaving ): TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE
* Kencom poster: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP
* Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
* Tokyo hotel's regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED
* Swiss restaurant menu: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR
* Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS
* Yugoslavia hotel: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID
* Japan hotel: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID
* Lobby of hotel: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY
* Sign in Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE
* Zurich hotel: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE
* Rome laundry: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
Best Canadian Joke
An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage. The wife happens to notice a very strangely dressed man also waiting. She asks her husband where he thinks the man is from.The husband says he doesn't know. He decides to ask the man and approaches him. "Where are you from?" he asks the man.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," he replies.
Puzzled, the husband returns to his wife. "Well, where is he from?" asks the wife. " I still don't know," replies the husband. "He doesn't speak English."
Do you live in Canada?
The answer is yes, if:- Your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
- Someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work
there. - You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed
a wrong number. - 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend.
- You measure distance in hours.
- You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
- You have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again.
- You can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching. - You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked. - You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody
is passing you. - Driving in the winter is better because the potholes are filled with
snow. - You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road
construction. - You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
- You find 2 degrees 'a little chilly'.
- You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Canadian
friends & others.
A new motto for Canada
The National Post newspaper in Canada had a contest in November 2007 in which they invited readers (and National Post columnists) to submit suggestions for a new motto for Canada. The current one, "A Mari usque ad Mare" (from sea to sea) doesn't exactly inspire passion, so people suggested some of the new mottos below. See what you think.Apologizing for Celine Dion since 1990
Home of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers
Health care for all, wellness for few
Give me liberty or a double-double
We won the War of 1812
In government we trust
One nation under the CBC
Dominating sports no one else plays
Proud home of the notwithstanding clause
Don't like us? We can change
Let's talk about Paul Henderson!
As Canadian as possible, under the circumstances
Canada: birthplace of mediocrity
Canada: mediocre and reasonably proud of it
So many cultures, so little history
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of hockey
Large double-double to go
The 51st State
Like America, but with poutine
From Vancouver to Hans Island
Canada - we're soooo nice
Morally superior - just ask us
How's it goin', eh?
How 'bout them Leafs?
So, what do Canadians have to be proud of?
1. Smarties2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers' ass
10. Tim Hortons kicks Krispy Kreme's ass
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon MaKenzie King who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure.
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone. Anywhere. EVER.
14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and it lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.
24. We have coloured money.
25. Our beer advertisments kick ass.
But most important...
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!
oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.
I AM CANADIAN!!!
An Interesting Study.....
A 2006 study found that the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year.The study also found that Canadians drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Canadians get about 41 miles per gallon.
Donated by: A Tintinaglia
Have I been living in DK too long????
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN DENMARK TOO LONG WHEN:You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.
You think is impolite to sit next to someone in a bus if there is a bench where you can sit on your own.
You go to the supermarket and buy three good beers and 10 not too good ones.
You can open a beer bottle with almost anything.
You honestly believe that the distance between Copenhagen and Aalborg is long.
You can tell the difference between a Grøn Tuborg and a Carlsberg beer.
The first thing you do on entering a bank/post office/pharmacy etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a. he is drunk;
b. he is insane;
c. he is American;
d. he is all of the above.
Silence is fun.
It no longer seems excessive to spend 800 kr. on alcohol in a single night.
You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed".
You use "Mmmm" as conversation filler.
The word "yes" is an intake of breath.
You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank.
Traditional dinners may not necessarily mean a cooked meal.
You forget how to open canned beer.
Can't remember when to say "please" and "excuse me".
You will leave a pub if you can't find a seat.
You don't mind paying the same for a 200-metre bus ride as you do for going 10 kms.
You don't look twice at businessmen in dark suits wearing white sport socks.
You find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than the name of the wine.
You know the meaning of life has something to do with the word "hyggelig".
You start to believe that if it weren't for Denmark's efforts, the world would probably collapse pretty soon.
You don't think it strange that no one ever comes by to visit without being invited and you never show up at any one's place unannounced either.
You find yourself lighting candles when you have guests - even if it is brightly sunny outside and 20 degrees.
You think it is normal to pick up a girl in a pub, walk her to her bike and ride with her back home.
You've completely forgotten what a "date" is - no one ever comes to pick you up and unexpected gifts are VERY unexpected.
You wouldn't dream of coming even 10 minutes early to a party (once around the block is always an alternative).